What can he/she offer me?

So often I get the vibe that relationships are often based off of a “what can I get” philosophy rather than the divinely directed “what can I give” philosophy. (Although I will readily admit that I am frequently guilty of the “what can I get?” philosophy myself.)

There is a fundamental problem with the “what can I get?” philosophy: True happiness only comes through the giving of oneself, not the receiving or “getting” from others. With that in mind, why do we often think that happiness is found in receiving? We think about getting that new techno gadget, or that awesome car, or that outfit when we find after obtaining it that it doesn’t satisfy our desire to “get”. I experienced this recently: I have wanted an iPad for a long time. When I finally got one, I noticed that a huge hole in my life wasn’t suddenly filled, in fact I probably thought I would be more pleased with it. Before I obtained it it was an amazing piece of work, a masterpiece of engineering. The best tablet available in the market. Even with all these things after a day or so I was already finding flaws in the “best” that this world had to offer.

I know you’re thinking… “ok, an iPad, really? What relevance if any does this have?” Well, I think sometimes in dating and courtship we have this idea of “I want the best” and “what is the best that I can get?”. I think even if we were to get the “best” that dating has to offer, we would still be able to find flaws, unwanted character traits, and other undesirable qualities. Then we might think to ourselves… “this isn’t the best..” I hope that we don’t cheat ourselves by looking at it this way. I think we should look at things a little differently…

To continue with my example before, the moment I stop thinking “what does my iPad have to offer me” and think of its good qualities and all the things I can accomplish with it, then I start to appreciate it more. Likewise in dating, if we stop thinking “what does this guy/girl have to offer me” and start thinking “what could we accomplish together?” we will have more satisfaction.

Please comment about what you think about this idea. Do you have any experiences that relate?


To the nerds….

Those who have been within a mile of BYU campus have possibly noted the tell-tale signs of nerdism:

  1. Their backpack is on wheels
  2. They walk while reading their favorite book / textbook
  3. They get more excited about a software update for their computer than their date on friday
  4. Their pickup lines usually start with some sort of technological jargon
  5. Their pants are often short enough to reveal their high white socks
  6. Their idea of “a night on the town” includes a trip to the computer section at Best Buy

I think this poem suggests why some of us with these traits have social troubles:

Mo memorized the dictionary
but just can’t seem to find a job
or anyone who wants to marry
someone who memorized the dictionary!

So to myself and other nerds… instead of spending your free time in Best Buy or memorizing new words, take a walk outside the library, take off your thick black-rimmed glasses, and ask that girl out (you know the one i’m talking about) and lose the techno-jargon.


Intro to WYNM

One time I went to a meeting at a singles ward in Michigan. During the meeting, there was a man who stood up to speak. As he got up he started his remarks by telling one of his new-year’s resolutions: “This past year,” he said “I found that I played World of Warcraft a total of 30 full days, so my resolution is to stop playing this year.” He then proceeded to talk about resolutions, before revealing that his new goal this year was to be the “best Rock Band drummer in the world.”

In remembering this experience, I couldn’t help but think to myself: “Boy, that’s exactly why you’re not married.” This man was 30, yet he was still playing computer games with most, if not all, of his free time. In Mormon culture, people from their 20s-30s have a strong desire to settle down and get married. It is often the topic of conversation and a general goal. Some, like this man in Michigan, ask: “Why am I not married yet?” This blog is intended to answer that very question: Why you’re not married.